Afraid of dying, or?

I’m not afraid of dying. I’m more afraid to think and decide on what to do if I was to die tomorrow, or even if it came after a week. In a conversation with a friend and then later on a TED video, the very question kept coming, and I’m still thinking. Its been a week already!

Who all would you like to meet if you knew you gonna die? What would you like to do? What would you say? Oh, and you have no time to rehearse, make a plan or make a script. You have no time. Panic. Listening to ‘The Great Gig in the Sky’ makes me go much beyond! Will people have time? Will they have the same excuses that I have been throwing at them all this time? Would they have forgotten me? Will they come to my funeral, specially when I didn’t care when their family members died? Would they just think it’s the last means for a revenge?

Will I die happily? laughing on a friend’s joke? Will I die on the road? car accident? Would I get a heart attack, then rushed to a hospital, my family would spend lakhs to save me, and then I die? Will someone kill me? I already have a secret fantasy (no more) that the barber would chop off my head while I happily sit to get a shave.

A few years back, I can’t recall who, but some friend or teacher of mine told me the importance of forgetting and forgiving. Both being very important. If I’m told today of death, may be I start thinking on those lines. That I should forgive people for anything unjust they did to me? But otherwise? Forget, is much easier. I guess. But does it happen? It’s just mere coincidence that ‘wish you were here’ started playing.

I have had a lot of nightmares lately. I have woken up to a few as well. Some, which I even can’t talk about or share with anyone. But it just makes me laugh as I think of them right now. I wasn’t dying in any single one of them though! *grin*

Reminds me of a couple of years back in Delhi, while I saw these twins crossing the railway line hand in hand. When I heard a voice which came from one of them,“Are you afraid of dying?”; and the second just looked at him in a sense of belongingness and attachment. Nothing could I hear though.

Theres no reason for it, you’ve gotta go sometime…
I never said I was frightened of dying.

‘Emotional Fools’

“I am an emotional person”, “I’m too emotional a guy”, “I cant help when emotions come into the picture”, “I am an emotional fool”. Common, ready reference statements? well, yeah!

Emotions rules all of us. But there are a set of people whose minds are driven by these, and they become so very sure that, they are a class apart of people known as ‘emotional fools’. Some take pride in calling themselves the same on their own. I call them ‘emotionally challenged’; though on the contrary there are also people who are called the same by the world, for whom I surely have a soft corner.

You would be like dices on the chessboard, if the world comes to know about that rotten part of your heart. They would play with it. Why keep reminding the world, that how soft, how sensitive, how impossible you can get to face certain situations in life. Who wants to listen to bad stuff anyhow these days? Please do not mistake me calling ‘friends’ as people here. They are two different things. And when i say ‘friends’; I mean ‘FRIENDS’.

There are so many of us who teach the world not to stay in the past. Not to stay in the future too. But according to me its good to be in it (not the whole day, not on your office desk, for sure). But yeah, that sunday afternoon, in your room, with the old memories flashing across you, reminding you of good and old memories is so refreshing. Atleast for me, it is. It makes me smile, it makes me weep. It makes me feel a connection.

Some cry for love not found, some cry for love lost, and some just cry for the sake of it, just because everyone else is crying?  Some one being with you for years couldn’t understand and stick around with you, and some one whom you just know for ten days , would make you smile like crazy. It happens with all of us. Doesn’t it?

Its great to be emotional, but it sucks to be emotionally challenged. Why not live, like we live on our birthdays. ‘Its my birthday’, Oh yeah, ‘its a new day’. Why just think life stops there. Don’t you remember fourth grade when they taught us about the right usage of commas and full-stops. Oh yes, life is unfair, not to me, not to you, everyone. But thats how we learn, thats why we are humans. We learn.

Do not be just another brick in the wall, do not let other people get your kicks for you, do not be a part of the daily races, going nowhere, going nowhere!!!